yeah.... maybe....
Maybe i will just come right out and tell her i'm interested in her. BUT the main problem there is that it would be over either myspace, facebook, or at best AIM...... and that's not a wise idea.....
or i could just wait until she comes down... if she comes down......but then i'd be worried about freaking her out. cause i doubt she'd be flattered to hear it. we'll see. i've gotta roll the dice carefully i guess.....but i've gotta roll the dice...you know what i mean?
gosh i keep repeatin myself on a daily basis now.... maybe i'm just doing this to keep on asserting my own ideas in my mind. you know, strengthening my resolve.....
a friend of mine once told me that one of the quickest/easiest ways to build confidence quickly if you need to in an urgent way, just keep telling yourself that you're a "real big fish". in otherwords, think you are great and confident, and you will be great and confident.
i've tried that in the past and it has worked..... maybe i will fine-tune that technique and use it again to keep myself cool and collected. god i'm so pathetic that even as of now i'm getting jittery.....
i'm afraid of an obsession.....truly afraid that i may be obsessed with the idea... but even if i am, is it of the idea of a relationship, or the relationship with her?
You know, the human mind is very powerful, amazing, and hard to comprehend. But it's especially difficult to understand when you are trying to figure yourself out.
I bet you are all getting tired of reading this drooling garbage, but typing things clearls my mind. it organizes stuff i'm thinking about and puts them to file in my mind, so it's easier to go over....
I'm sure most of, if not all of, you out there reading this have experienced things similar to this trivial matter, and i hope you are getting a good laugh out of this saying, "HA oh my gosh, i remember when i was that stupid.... this kid still has a long way to go...."
I look back on things that i've done years, months, weeks, days, even hours "ago" and i learned long ago to laugh at myself. it seems to be the easiest way to accept mistakes and learn from them. I've been through what i consider to be a lot. i'm young, i know that, and i know there is a lot ahead of me. there always will be.
but as of now i focus on the small matter. perhaps too strongly? maybe so. Perhaps i'm doing that because there is nothing else in my life to actually focus on. during summers like this i am not tied to anything. no classes, no true obligations. maybe i get myself hooked on a concept just so that there is always something for me to mull over.
a problem that has no definite answer, one that may last for no set amount of time. just occupying myself.
Well even if that is so, i should take advantage of that and learn about myself, and learn from myself. there if i look at it that way, it's a win-win situation.
If i manage to get with her, i've learned the right way to do it and i've fullfilled a long-term goal. if i get shot down, i've learned how not to do it, and i've advanced myself and won't make such a mistake again. i've improved myself either way.
look at this, i'm still ranting.....if any of you have made it this far, i commend you. you're a brave soul, and daring to risk your sanity by throwing yourself into this vast limitless pool of my random thoughts.
thanks for reading, if you have.
-A puzzled, envious Robbie.....
